† my ♥ xxx

2012-03-02T15:09:00.002+08:00

this space is just so depressing to read and I honestly don't like the thought of people actually reading this and judging me and seeing me go through this confusing stage of my life. I don't like knowing that people will probably see me as an emotional wreck. I don't like people seeing me in such a vulnerable state.
I have really got to stop being so hard on myself. I just want to be happy and although I am sick of the routines life puts me through which is basically going through an emotional rollercoaster everyday, that doesn't mean I should give up trying to be happy.
I just want to find the strength, faith, hope and love in me to be happy, love myself and figure out what it is I want in life, to find meaning in my life. I deserve to be happy.

2012-03-01T21:28:00.001+08:00

My exams are finally over for this semester so here comes the much anticipated long holiday!

2012-02-28T21:26:00.002+08:00

I'm breaking down because I'm sick of never being good enough,
and I'm done trying to be.

2012-02-24T15:33:00.000+08:00

2012-02-22T14:13:00.000+08:00

I'm so tired of feeling the way I feel. I don't want to waste any more of time feeling miserable. I can't wait around any longer for things to go exactly how I want it to go because frankly, that's not going to happen. I don't have the power to change things but I can change myself. I can change my mindset. I don't want to be affected by stupid small matters. I don't want to feel insignificant and unworthy anymore.

I don't like to spill out my feelings, it makes me feel so weak and vulnerable and people are definitely going to judge but this has been going on way too long, to the point where I really cannot handle it any longer. I don't know how else to put it.
I'm done feeling as low as humanly possible.
Everything will fall into place eventually or so I'd like to believe but it all has to start with me being happy.
I need to count my blessings.

2012-02-21T14:12:00.002+08:00

I fight it. But it's stronger than me.

2012-02-18T19:42:00.001+08:00

restart my heart

2012-02-16T18:48:00.001+08:00

2012-02-12T23:20:00.002+08:00

I'm still trying to learn how to let go and not dwell on the past and sweat the small stuff. I'm still trying to figure out what I want in my life and what I want to do with it. I'm searching for the reason for my existence. I'm trying to find meaning in my life. It's all about finding strength within myself.

2012-02-09T22:53:00.002+08:00

I don't know who I am, I don't know what I want. I don't know how it's possible to be happy and then sad and back to happy then back to sad, all in such a short period of time. It's overwhelming. The fact that final exams are approaching and the workload is crazy isn't helping much either.

I don't know where I want to be but it feels likes I want to be anywhere but here. Time is moving too fast for my liking. I've wasted so much of my time. I always want what I cant have.

I'm sorry these are just my thoughts that I need to let out, somewhere.

2012-02-06T11:43:00.000+08:00

2012-02-04T22:32:00.001+08:00

The only way you can go when you're at your highest peak, is down.

2012-02-03T22:15:00.002+08:00

here comes the feeling I thought I had forgotten.

2012-02-01T21:03:00.002+08:00

February definitely isn't going to be a bed of roses but I know I can do this.

2012-01-29T21:24:00.003+08:00

I'm so stressed, the workload is crazy especially now that exams are fast-approaching and projects and assignments are due.
On a lighter note, I've become a much happier person. I'm content with the way things are and I'm finally at ease with myself.
I'll get through this.
xxx

2012-01-26T02:29:00.001+08:00

this too shall pass.

2012-01-25T01:43:00.002+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year!

2012-01-18T23:52:00.003+08:00

2012-01-17T23:14:00.001+08:00

being human is exhausting.

2012-01-11T00:18:00.005+08:00

I just need some time to straighten out my thoughts, set my priorities, figure out what exactly it is that I want in life and most importantly find out who I am but I honestly don't even know where to start.
You have no idea how much I hate nights like these.
Goodnight, going to bed with a heavy heart, xxx.

2012-01-06T12:26:00.002+08:00

I don't know how to put my thoughts into words.

2012-01-05T12:20:00.001+08:00

2012-01-02T02:05:00.004+08:00

I'm still in the process of learning how to be happy with how things are going, doing something about it if it's affecting me that badly and embracing change. Life's just way too short to dwell on unnecessary things. Just because it's a new year, I can't expect everything to change straight away just like that, even myself. Change requires time. I'll be fine, eventually. I have a feeling that this year will probably be just as tough as 2011 but I know I'll make it through and be a happier and better person while I'm at it.

2012-01-01T17:53:00.002+08:00

happy new year!

2011-12-31T00:01:00.004+08:00

‎2011 is the year that went by so fast, maybe a little too fast. It's the year some of your so called friends walked out of your life, and it's the year you realize who the real ones are. It's the year you felt so pressured to the point where you gave up countless of times but you're still learning how to get back up. It's the year you said you were going to accomplish great things but yet you feel like you wasted your time and haven't accomplished anything of much significance. It's the year you cried over so many pointless things way too many times. But it's also the year you move on, slowly, and you realize that somehow everything is going to be okay. Through it all, 2011 has definitely made me a much stronger person and taught me many valuable lessons.

I guess for 2012 I want to live in the moment, be wiser in the choices I make, be more optimistic and most importantly, happy.

Here's to better year ahead guys,

happy new year's eve!

2011-12-27T15:08:00.001+08:00

2011-12-26T00:43:00.003+08:00

I don't want to think about it too much and dwell on it. I'm just going to sleep it off and hope for a better day tomorrow and also for the new year, I want to start off the new year on a good note. I have more important things to worry about so I should just focus on that. I'll be fine.
Goodnight, xxx.

2011-12-25T00:23:00.005+08:00

merry christmas!

2011-12-24T00:34:00.001+08:00

2011-12-20T12:17:00.002+08:00

#nowplaying What Doesn't Kill You (Stronger)-Kelly Clarkson
I should stop dwelling on the past, stop thinking about regrets that I've made and the things people have done to hurt me. Perhaps it isn't even people hurting me, it is me making an issue out of everything. I should really stop worrying about what's going to happen in the future. I just need to live for today, and appreciate everything and everyone I have. Stop thinking about what I don't have or what I wish I had or people that have hurt me. Just focus on the good things in my life and every once in a while, remind myself about just how fortunate I am to have what I have. I know that somehow I'll find the strength in me to get through this and not give up.

2011-12-18T18:50:00.009+08:00

What a shame that we all became such fragile, broken things.
#nowplaying Let The Flames Begin-Paramore
Curiosity killed my innocence. Overthinking killed my happiness. Insecurities killed my self-esteem. Lies killed my trust. Stereotypes and conformity killed my individuality. And judgement killed me.

2011-12-15T00:06:00.003+08:00

conquer.

2011-12-13T15:45:00.004+08:00

what will it take to fill this void inside me?

2011-12-12T11:42:00.001+08:00

We think we need so many useless things when all we really need is time to breathe.
#nowplaying The Fort-Between The Trees

2011-12-11T01:24:00.003+08:00

I don't know what to write here anymore. I don't want to write about my day because my days are usually pretty mundane, nothing out of the ordinary. Even if they are out of the ordinary and if it happens to be a good day for me, I don't think anybody is all that interested to know anyway.
I'd prefer to write about my feelings but I guess the reason why I haven't been posting a lot recently, or rather as much as I used to is because I really don't know how I feel anymore. I can't explain it. I don't know how to explain it, it's not that I don't want to. If I could put out into words how I feel, I'd pour out my feelings to anybody who'd be willing to listen and not judge me for it.
I'm not coping well with my feelings, I'm letting it get the better of me once again. Feeling like this just seems to be completely inevitable.
All I really need right now is just some time off alone to reflect and clear my head.
Unfortunately for me, i don't have the time to do that. Putting my feelings aside, I have other more important things to worry about, I suppose.
xxx.

2011-12-06T07:59:00.000+08:00

2011-12-04T21:04:00.003+08:00

Honestly speaking, I don't even know who I am or what I want.

2011-12-03T20:16:00.003+08:00

I’m struggling to keep afloat right now. Like my thoughts feeling and troubles are chained to me, anchoring me down, wanting to kill me.
Well it’s doing a pretty good job, because I’m growing tired and I feel like giving up. I'm sick of all the non-existent bullshit that my mind makes up.
I'm barely surviving.

2011-12-01T20:46:00.000+08:00

2011-11-29T19:56:00.002+08:00

2011-11-28T12:16:00.001+08:00

to do
make it through the day

2011-11-27T22:15:00.004+08:00

2011-11-26T16:15:00.001+08:00

I'm still trying my best to keep strong.

2011-11-25T18:18:00.000+08:00

2011-11-23T22:35:00.002+08:00

What I really need right now is just a break from everyone and some time alone. That'd be nice.

2011-11-22T21:32:00.004+08:00

turn down these voices inside my head
#nowplaying I Can't Make You Love Me If You Don't-Bon Iver

2011-11-21T21:08:00.004+08:00

I always think that the grass is greener on the other side when in reality, sometimes it's not. I rarely appreciate what I have. I should consider myself lucky and be grateful for what I have because maybe it is better than what I actually want, just that I don't realise it yet. Perhaps everything really does happen for a reason. Is this all just a blessing in disguise?

2011-11-20T16:33:00.002+08:00

#nowplaying Chasing Cars-Snow Patrol
I'm not letting this or anything for that matter affect me anymore. I refuse to go back to that sad and sorry state that I was once in before and had to work so hard just to get out of. I have to set my priorities straight and just focus on what's important in my life.

2011-11-19T19:48:00.003+08:00

Early start to the day tomorrow. I have to get up at 4am and be at east coast park for a marathon by 6am. Did I mention that I'm down with a fever and flu? I have so much left to do but I feel like there's no time at all. Time is just never on my side.

2011-11-18T21:43:00.004+08:00

I hope it's not too early to say anything. I'm still working on myself but so far, it's all good. Almost.

2011-11-17T21:14:00.001+08:00

2011-11-16T21:34:00.002+08:00

day 10: Put your music player on shuffle and write down the first 10 songs that play
1) I Can't Make You Love Me-Bon Iver
2) Knock You Down-Keri Hilson ft Kanye West and Ne-Yo
3) Last Friday Night (TGIF)-Katy Perry
4) I Will Follow You Into The Dark-Death Cab For Cutie
5) Someone Like You-Adele
6) Mr Brightside-The Killers
7) By Your Side-Tenth Avenue North
8) Exit Wounds-The Script
9) Marry You-Bruno Mars
10) Meteor Shower-Owl City

2011-11-15T21:11:00.004+08:00

I need to learn how to be happy with what I've got. I shouldn't regret things that happened or didn't happen in the past because as much as I wish I could, I can't change anything about it. I also shouldn't hope for better things to come up ahead because things probably wont go according to my plan and I don't want to be left disappointed.
I just want to be happy.

2011-11-14T20:56:00.001+08:00

2011-11-13T13:31:00.000+08:00

oh simple thing, where have you gone?
#nowplaying Somewhere Only We Know-Keane

2011-11-12T18:48:00.002+08:00

My blog is becoming rather depressing to read and it's not helping me feel any better about anything either so on a lighter note, I'll just continue on with the 30 day challenge.
day 9: How important you think education is
I think eduaction is very important but sorry, I'm not exactly sure how to explain why I believe so.

2011-11-11T17:30:00.003+08:00

I tell myself that the pain and the feeling will go away after some time. I only tell myself that so that I can face getting out of bed every day. You think today might be the day when everything gets better, but it never is.

2011-11-10T20:15:00.002+08:00

2011-11-09T20:19:00.007+08:00

#nowplaying Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall-Coldplay
Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, it did. Hopefully things will start to look up from now on though. There is still a million possibilities of things getting worse but I'm just hoping for the best and I'm going to try to prevent it from getting it any worse. I just really need some time to sort out my life. Every once in a while, I just need a breather. I need to clear my head and focus on what is important.
When you hit rock bottom, the only way you can go is up. It's going to be a new day, give it a chance and things might just actually get better. I don't want to waste any more of my time and energy being angry and miserable.

2011-11-07T20:31:00.004+08:00

day 8: what you ate today
-nasi lemak
-fish burger
-two milk chocolate hersheys kisses
-two pineapple tarts
-wantan noodles
+ ice lemon tea, green tea and strawberry milk tea!!

I'm such a pig. I think I can feel every part of my body expanding and exploding with fats already. To make myself feel better, at least I didn't finish any of my meals other than the snacks that I munched on. I really should start working out again.

2011-11-05T22:31:00.002+08:00

I'm really trying not to fall apart again.

2011-11-03T21:54:00.001+08:00

2011-11-02T22:07:00.002+08:00

2011-11-01T18:42:00.001+08:00

2011-10-31T21:28:00.001+08:00

happy halloween!

2011-10-30T10:49:00.008+08:00

day 7: five pet peeves
1) People who try to correct me when I know I'm right for sure about a certain thing. And then they like seriously drag on the conversation to try to prove that they're right when they're not.
2) I honestly can't stand messiness. (Going to clean up my room, organise my notes and study after this!)
3) Rude people in general. By saying rude people in general, it basically sums up almost every type of person I can't stand. Such as judgemental people, unappreciative people, people with no basic courtesy, people who complain a lot, people who think they're better than others, selfish people, people who don't mean what they say and break promises and stuff, people who expect you to do everything for them etc.
4) People who behave like two different people online and in real life.
5) People who watch tv at unbearable volumes.

2011-10-29T13:33:00.003+08:00

there are many things that I would like to say to you but I don't know how.
#nowplaying Oasis-Wonderwall

2011-10-28T23:13:00.005+08:00

I feel like people just don't get me sometimes.

2011-10-25T20:32:00.005+08:00

day 6: your views on mainstream music
It's alright I guess, I listen to quite a lot of mainstream music! But I guess the only thing I have to say is that I start to like artistes less when they become too mainstream. Take Owl City and One Direction for example. I liked them long before they became really big but now that everybody seems to love them, I don't know why but I just started liking them less. It's stupid I know. Oh well.

On another note, it's only the second day of school but I feel like I've already been on such an emotional rollercoaster. I'm glad that I'm feeling much better today though! Hope this feeling actually lasts.

2011-10-24T00:07:00.005+08:00

the trick is to keep breathing.

2011-10-23T20:48:00.003+08:00

new diy hair + nails!
New school semester starts tomorrow. I'm feeling rather unprepared but I'm excited!

2011-10-22T23:49:00.001+08:00

day 5: things you want to say to an ex
I've never been in a committed and serious relationship before so I consider it that I don't have an ex. Although I do feel like I've been hurt by a guy before, he wasn't even together with me and until now, I don't know what it is that we had. But it doesn't even matter to me anymore. It's the past and I'm over it. So I see no reason to write out what I want to say to you or rather what I had wanted to say to you before.
I'm actually doing pretty well now and I hope you are too, xxx.

2011-10-21T00:21:00.001+08:00

2011-10-20T00:05:00.003+08:00

day 4: bullet your whole day
It's 12.05AM now so it's officially the 20th of October but I'm just going to bullet my whole day for the 19th of October.
-Woke up
-Got ready
- Met my friends to shop for sy
-Met sy and had lunch at eighteen chefs
-Walked over to starbucks to chill until like 7
-Bought hair dye
-Came home and dyed my hair
-Had dinner
-Talked to my friends
-Talking to my cousin on oovoo after which I plan to sleep

2011-10-18T21:58:00.009+08:00

close your eyes, clear your heart
#nowplaying Human-The Killers

2011-10-17T10:47:00.000+08:00

day 3: a book you love
Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom

2011-10-16T16:14:00.006+08:00

3764 miles away.

2011-10-09T17:02:00.004+08:00

#nowplaying Therapy-All Time Low
Currently doing some last minute packing for my trip to Melbourne later tonight. I always get the feeling that I've forgotten to pack something. Hoping that I don't forget anything.
Well, I'll be back in a weeks' time so till then, have a great week ahead! xxx

2011-10-08T00:06:00.002+08:00

day 2: something you feel strongly about
people should stop conforming to society so much.

2011-10-07T23:32:00.005+08:00

2011-10-06T20:00:00.004+08:00

This is an attempt to make my blog a little bit more interesting, so here it goes, the 30 day you challenge.

day 1: five ways to win your heart
1) If you like me, tell me and be the one to make the first move. Don't give my mixed signals and leave me hanging because eventually, I'll just move on.
2) Make me laugh and feel comfortable around you so that I know you'll accept me for who I am including all my flaws.
3) Stand up for me and stand by me when I need you.
4) Any little creative and cute act out of love would just make me smile and like you even more ☺
5) Don't give up on me easily, fight for me. It'll show me just how much I mean to you.

2011-10-05T22:26:00.003+08:00

socially awkward introvert.

2011-10-04T18:53:00.000+08:00

2011-10-03T00:13:00.003+08:00

Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?
#nowplaying Someone Like You-Adele

2011-10-02T00:38:00.002+08:00

It's past 12, I should be sleeping because I have to get up at like 6.30 later for church. But no, I refuse to sleep until my room is cleared up from all the mess. I can't stand the state it is in right now and I keep losing things so I think cleaning it up would be a good idea but the not so good idea is cleaning it up at this ungodly hour. Maybe I should just get some sleep now and spend my afternoon clearing everything up later.
goodnight, xxx.

2011-10-01T00:07:00.008+08:00

hello october

2011-09-30T20:56:00.002+08:00

#nowplaying I Swear This Time I Mean It-Mayday Parade
I'm done feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible.

2011-09-29T19:23:00.003+08:00

The past two days have been rather eventful at our class bbq/chalet

2011-09-28T10:04:00.002+08:00

As much as I try not to, I just really can't seem to help myself from feeling this way.

2011-09-27T20:42:00.001+08:00

heavy heart and an overwhelming sadness.

2011-09-26T01:04:00.004+08:00

To learn how to stop being so easily affected by nearly everything is just wishful thinking.

2011-09-25T23:55:00.007+08:00

Spent basically my enitre weekend volunteering at the waterfire park festival but it was quite alright I guess.

2011-09-22T08:01:00.002+08:00

I can't live for other people. I've got to do what's right for me even if that means hurting other people. I've got to start doing things for myself and conquering each day as it comes.

2011-09-21T13:35:00.003+08:00

Whatever comes my way, I'll get through it. It might be tough, but I know I can do it, with or without anyone's help. I've gone through situations that I thought I would never get through, but look at me now, I made it. I'll be fine, somehow.

2011-09-18T19:35:00.002+08:00

#nowplaying Peaches-New Heights

2011-09-17T21:46:00.003+08:00

Even though some things didn't really work out that well, it was still probably the best birthday I've had yet thanks to my lovely family and friends ☺

2011-09-16T11:36:00.004+08:00

gpa=3.25
I'm not that pleased with my gpa for this semester. I have to work harder in the next semester. You have no idea how determined I am right now. My motivation level is unbelievable.

2011-09-15T20:02:00.003+08:00

I need to stop searching for happiness and realise that it has been right in front of me this whole entire time.

2011-09-14T20:57:00.003+08:00

#nowplaying Drive-Incubus
I'm probably the happiest I've ever been in a long time. I am finally able to control my emotions and thoughts and not let it get the best of me. I plan to continue to work on myself in every aspect so that I can be an even better person.

2011-09-13T12:19:00.004+08:00